Are Self-Advocacy and Gratitude Mutually Exclusive at Work? No!

We often hear this in our coaching practice, “I don’t want to seem ungrateful, BUT … (fill in the blank) I need more help, I’m ready for a promotion and/or more responsibility, I deserve a raise.” This begs the question, are self-advocacy and gratitude mutually exclusive? The answer is a resounding No! 

Advocating for yourself at work can feel like a delicate balance, especially when you deeply appreciate your job and the opportunities it has given you. Gratitude is a powerful mindset that can fuel positive relationships and career growth, offering a multitude of benefits for both you and your employer. But it should not prevent you from standing up for your needs, accentuating your contributions, and expressing your aspirations. Self-advocacy is not about entitlement; it is about ensuring that your hard work is recognized, your voice is heard, and your professional growth continues. Here’s how to navigate this process while maintaining humility and appreciation.

1. Reframe Self-Advocacy as a Positive Action

Many professionals hesitate to advocate for themselves because they fear it will come off as ungrateful, demanding, or self-serving. However, advocating for yourself is not about arrogance; it is about clarity and confidence. When you communicate your value, you are helping your employer see the benefits you bring to the team. Organizations thrive when employees are engaged, growing, and fairly compensated.

Instead of thinking of self-advocacy as a confrontation, view it as an opportunity to align your goals with those of your company. You are not just asking for more—you are demonstrating why investing in your success benefits everyone. And, besides, you’ve earned it.

2. Know Your Value and Contributions

Before initiating any conversation about raises, promotions, or responsibilities, take the time to evaluate your contributions. Consider the following:

• What projects have you led or contributed to significantly?
• Have you increased efficiency, saved costs, or driven revenue?
• Have you gone beyond your job description to add value?
• How have you helped your team or company achieve its goals?

Keeping a record of your achievements and impact will give you concrete talking points to support your case. When you approach the conversation with facts rather than feelings or emotions, it becomes easier to advocate for yourself with confidence.

3. Express Gratitude While Advocating

You don’t have to choose between being grateful and speaking up for yourself. Self-advocacy and gratitude can work together. Expressing appreciation can set a positive tone for self-advocacy conversations. For example:

• “I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunities I’ve had here. I’ve learned so much and have been able to contribute in meaningful ways. I’d love to discuss how I can continue growing with the company.”
• “I really appreciate the support and mentorship I’ve received. Given my recent contributions and increased responsibilities, I’d like to explore how my role can evolve.”

By framing the conversation in this way, you reinforce your gratitude while making a compelling case for your professional needs.

4. Prepare for the Conversation

Advocating for yourself requires preparation. Consider these steps:

• Pick the right moment: Timing matters. Schedule discussions when your manager is not overwhelmed and when your recent contributions are fresh in their mind.
• Practice your approach: Rehearse your key points so you can articulate them clearly and professionally.
• Anticipate objections: Be ready to address concerns or questions your employer may have and offer solutions where possible.
• Remain open-minded: Sometimes, the answer may not be a direct yes. Be prepared to discuss alternative paths for growth and success.

5. Define Next Steps, Follow Up and Stay Proactive

Make sure you identify some agreed-upon next steps during your conversation. If immediate action isn’t possible, ask for a roadmap of what needs to happen for you to achieve your goals. Follow up with a summary of the discussion. Continue demonstrating your value and revisit the conversation at appropriate intervals to keep in top of mind.

6. Build Relationships and Seek Mentorship

Advocacy is easier when you have allies. Develop mentoring relationships with colleagues and leaders who can provide guidance and support. Mentorship can help you refine your approach and gain insights into how decisions are made within your organization. 

Remember, self-advocacy and gratitude can and should co-exist, one effectively bolstering the other. Self-advocacy allows you to stay engaged, motivated, and invested in your work. When done with confidence, clarity, and appreciation, it strengthens both your career and your relationship with your employer. Advocating for yourself is not just about what you gain—it’s about ensuring that your contributions are recognized, valued, and aligned with your professional aspirations.

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